Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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