youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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