Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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