my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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