I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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