I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
