I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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