Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize