His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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