Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Even my vagina gasped.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
