i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
