im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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