Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
