roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
