So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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