Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
