My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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