I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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