going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
