My room smells like vodka and shame
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
