my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Two words: blizzard sex
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
