Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
