He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
