Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
