were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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