im about as happy as oj after his trial
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
