do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
