rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
