I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
