I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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