fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.