Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
