i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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