The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
