yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.