Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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