dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I will pee on everything he values.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.