im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
