Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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