giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
