I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
