I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
