Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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