I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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