Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
