i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
