I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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