i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
