i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How's work?
Spinning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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