also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
