I hate your face
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
