Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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