if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
