Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
