thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
