I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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