I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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