I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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