i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
