I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
