who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
