why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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