the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we're so committed to being not committed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
