Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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