So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize