just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
