They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
