we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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