We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want nice things and good sex
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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