is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
