soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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