Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
