I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
