fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
