my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
