brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
